January 9th, 2022: Playing Pool With a Stranger

First blog post of 2022!

Wow, it's been a wild year. New opportunities and reminiscing old memories. I'm not going to try to sound cliché with this opener, but I have aspirations for this year. I have previously mentioned a few. Instead of saying resolutions, I've been using aspirations instead. I started doing this since the start of 2021. Resolutions seem like a requirement, just like a to-do list. In addition to that, I've been making lists, but not the little checkboxes because it feels like I need to complete all the responsibilities that day. That isn't true. Not everything that's expected of someone can be completed in the hours they're awake that day.

I'm feeling 22, and this year will be a more conscious choice for me. Choosing myself and not pushing myself so hard. I've been successful in college so far, and I think taping off specific times for myself (whether it be reading, journaling, doing yoga, or taking a shower) has been really good. I know that exercising isn't for everyone, but treadmilling for an hour a day (when I can) has helped productivity, in my case.

Routine is the best way to go for anyone starting to manage their own schedule. Doing work is essential, but taking time to do what you love that requires minimal brainpower is necessary too.

Read a book that's been on your "to read" list for ages. Journal everything that crosses your mind that makes you stop and do a double-take. I've been filling out one of those "burn after writing" books. It's making me recall my past, present, and future. I didn't have a place to write down everything that used to bother me, what lessons I've learned from the past and how to prepare for the future. "One day at a time" was my motto for 2021, And I'm not sure what I need to live by for 2022 yet.

But something curious happened on December 5th that deserves a mention.

I'm not the most outgoing person with people I don't know and/or am uncomfortable around. I always wanted them to feel welcome and don't really think about my own feelings on the matter.

I wasn't feeling like going out last night, but my sister and her friend invited me to go to a place with bowling, pool, laser tag, and a huge arcade. I was driving them over, and I spontaneously decided to join them on the way. It was only for a couple hours, and when would I have a chance to go to this place anytime soon with college starting back up?

I wanted to hang out with my sister as well.

So, we got there and started playing pool. A guy (maybe 20 or so) came up and challenged both my sister and her friend to a game. I sat on the side, still not able to "be social" like the people I was with. He was friendly and asked our names. The guy just wanted a well-matched opponent for a few rounds.

I ended up playing him as well, and he taught me some things about pool that I knew about but wasn't truly aware of. He'd say the concepts I already grasped, but then there was a thing called "Effect." He said that if you position the queue ball in a particular area, it could roll into an easier shot for the next turn.

He was an honorable player and beat me fair and square. I wasn't even upset about it. I had never had an experience like that before. A total stranger with good intentions who just wanted to play a good game of pool.

A few highlights of these last few weeks have included a teary-eyed watching on the Harry Potter reunion (has it seriously been 20 years already?), receiving a small cookie sheet for Christmas so that I can indulge in making treats for my college floor, lighting a candle while I was taking a shower for the ambiance, and actively choosing to write and figure out my personal manuscript.

It's a lot of grueling work, trying to organize my brain so that I can break down just exactly what needs to happen in the story. I was thinking about writing, as I always do, drafting this blog post. I can usually knock it out and post something the day of, but this one has taken me a few days. And the demand for my blog post isn't super high right now, so I feel like no one is listening.

I was baking cookies yesterday and brainstorming writing this. People dependent on motivation sit on their countertops, listen to a Taylor Swift playlist, and wait for ideas to come while they're making cookies (very specific, but someone out there must feel the vibe).

And the thought just dawned on me: It's insane that someone's job hinges on their motivation, their passion, feelings, or the lack thereof. My success lingers on the idea that I can make entertaining worlds and characters for readers to indulge in. And it all depends on if I can take the time to sit down and let the story pour out of me.

I don't want to make excuses, and I don't want to bring less than 100% even if no one is watching. It's difficult, and I need to stop holding myself to such a standard. It's an ongoing battle of keeping myself alive and sane while trying to create worthwhile stories and concepts that need to have meaning. Otherwise, this will all be for nothing but my personal growth that I don't recognize often enough.

Success shouldn't always mean achievement. It can be the barest minimum thing: getting up in the morning, brushing your teeth, getting water, remembering to eat, and so much more. If you just stayed alive last year, you've won. You've succeeded.

I don't know about anyone else, but I feel some renewed ambition for this year. I'd like to finish the third draft of my manuscript, but it might not happen, and I have to be okay with that.

"Why do I write like I'm running out of time?"

Because I always feel like I am. Like I'll blink, and then I'll be 21 and out of college, searching for a sustainable job. I'm not in the writing community for stability. It'd sure be nice, but it isn't why I create.

I want to give others the home I once had in fictional characters and a world where you could escape the mundane responsibilities. To get invested and learn some of your best traits from your favorite characters, cheering you on in the background. They're still a part of me, as they always will be. And if only one person gains any sort of validation or happiness from my content, I will be satisfied.

So, make 2022 a time for rejuvenation and inspiration. We live in hard times, people. It's time we persist and move beyond comfort zones. It's okay to know when it's time to go and recharge. But push yourself, only a little. Play pool with a stranger. If a friend group invites you out, maybe consider going this time. Split-second decisions have created some pretty fun memories so far for me.

So be wild (within reason) and remember why you get up to see the sun every day.