November 20th: A Mixture of Burnout Depression & Overthinking and Trying To Keep Going

What is it about having a good day for the most part, then you start thinking about the things you literally can't control? And then it all begins to crumble.

I read my long 20 page class chapter and got further on my project. The problem isn't motivation. I turned on some focus music and did my best to absorb the content.

I went to Panera and read a good chunk of my book. I was literally dying in the seat and my roommate was very concerned.

I slept until noon, but it's the weekend, so it's okay.

So why do the thoughts keep surfacing? They keep returning to remind me of all the things that I feel like I need to be doing better.

I was actively avoiding my dorm, staking out at Panera for like three hours. It was nice and full of life and music, and I can't stand the silence of the dorm hall and university. Where's all the life I was promised in the college displays?

I can't wait to go back home for Thanksgiving break and be around the people I love. I know feeling this way is normal, but I'm so tired of waiting for my next overthinking spell or breakdown. I want to function and be a human who doesn't think so much about things I can't control. I shouldn't worry. I shouldn't.

So why does it still happen?

I want so many things and I'm terrified that I'll never be brave enough to get them. The silence is getting to me. I'm constantly listening to music because it makes me feel like I'm not alone.

The feelings come in sweeps and today ended pretty poorly.

I hope tomorrow is better.

Hope your days were better than mine was, and if not, you're not alone with your feelings that you can't understand.

We'll get through this.

This is a link to 'stop overthinking, start dancing' from keep it wholesome:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5q1cKLHgsVIMDDOinkhFST

It's been helping me through everything, and it might work for you too <3