November 28th: Danger, The End is Near

Ominous title, but it's not bad. It's the end of the semester. Almost. Six official school days then I'm blowing this popsicle stand. At least for the Christmas milk, cookie, and cozy month of December. I spent the day driving back to college. For three hours I was listening to a comfort book in my car. Should I say what it is and risking potential bullying? I think so.

It was Wicked King by Holly Black. Yes, I have enemies-to-lovers slow burn taste. Nod solemnly and continue reading.

I was jotting down some ideas for my manuscript, Sonder & Reverie. In this draft, I'm really focusing in on the characters and their dynamics with one another. This is only the third draft, but I already feel like I'm unhinging the story completely. Random thoughts about characters interactions kept bothering me. The main dynamic with the two main love interests needs to be authentic and genuine. It's one-sided at the beginning (it's how high school freshman Abby wanted it to be, okay? I'm rolling with it), but eventually becomes mutual. I need to make sure that the characters are likeable and can be individual people outside one another. I don't want them to exist only within the concept of their romantic relationship.

I was attempting to be more "outgoing" talking to people at my choir concert performance tonight. This is relevant later, don't worry, it all ties in. Eventually. Anyways, I wanted to remember names, and I was relieved to be included in some pretty entertaining conversations. I want to build a choir community, like in high school. All it takes is talking about your Thanksgiving break or the crazy sales at Black Friday (two new sports bras, pair of shorts and some cheap sweaters, baby!)

It doesn't take much. A nice smile or complimenting someone's dress or shoes. I finally got the name of the girl I'd been talking to who stands next to me. I'd asked it two times previously, but my brain refused to remember it. I was sitting next to her, in dread, especially because the last time we'd spoken, she'd waved goodbye and used my name. And I didn't freaking know hers. I got over myself, though, and asked for it again, despite the burning shame I felt. She was cool about it, and I'm happy that she was so understanding of me and my wacky hijinks.

I caught snippets of the girl's conversations on the stairs as we waited for our cue. Some of them were using ASL to communicate, which was so fascinating to me. I told one of the girls later that it was incredibly useful. She agreed, because she wants to be a teacher and it will be a helpful tool for her to utilize.

Snap back to a different part of my break. Oh, yeah. Thanksgiving. Heh. Anyways...

I finished Again but Better by Christine Riccio, and HOLY FRICK. Read it. Read it. If you're reading my blot (*AHEM*), read it. It's so worth checking out if you're a reader, writer, believer, hopeless romantic, struggling with self-worth and your craft, and just need a good laugh. I am all of the above, so this book gave me an existential crisis. But in a good way! I was trying to find motivation to continue my manuscript again, and I needed a push, and that was it. Closing the cover and staring out at the setting sun. I knew I wanted to get even further than I would have thought possible. It felt like a real, tangible thing that I could accomplish, publishing my novel. It didn't feel like a pipe dream anymore.

I took some random pictures over break and they'll be posted below (with commentary, of course. This is a blog where I can say whatever I want, remember?) In no particular order, here we go:

CHRISTMAS LIGHTS ARE MY FAVORITE THING TO EVER EXIST. Okay. Had to get that out there. We went to the zoo and saw a bunch of colorful trees and fixtures coated in these rad string lights. It lit up the entire night and it was fantastical. I got hot chocolate and saw the 4D experience of Polar Express. I might have teared up a little at the ending silver bell scene (don't judge me, I just love good storytelling and when it all comes full circle). These two pictures are the highlights from the night. The red panda was a nice touch and brought a smile to my face :)

I'm kind of the best at making snickerdoodle cookies, not to brag. Okay, I'm totally bragging, sue me. But baking always seems to calm me down and remind me that if I can control several batches of hot cookies, I have control over things that I can manage. It reminds me that I don't have to be rushing around all the time, and can just sit on the counter and read a book or scroll through TikTok while I wait for the batch to get done. Cinnamon gets under my fingernails, flour coats my shirt and hands, and I feel like a human again.

I went to World Market to spend a $15 dollar gift card. I got this soup mix way back in January, when I was reading Addie LaRue, and now I want to make it again over the winter because it reminds me of the book. Having real things to cling onto (especially when it involves fictional characters or worlds) helps ground me. It lets me realize that there are still stories to tell and lands to discover. Even to just re-experience the true awe that I felt reading that book. It was nostalgic, but I don't wish that I read it earlier. There were life lessons in there that were necessary for that time in my life. Totally recommend it.

ALREADY TALKED ABOUT THIS ABOVE, BUT HERE'S YOUR REMINDER TO PUT IT ON YOUR GOODREADS :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Some fancily dressed penguins I spotted in my aunt's living room. Figured I post the happy couple before it's officially Christmas season.

Some serotonin for you astrology people and wanderers of Barnes and Noble. I practiced self-restraint because I'm a broke college student, but damn, Rebel by Marie Lu was casting its siren spell on me. I didn't buy it, but I was really, really close.

And finally, most importantly, the tree this year. All freshly decorated and illuminated. It's now my phone's lock screen. It's a symbol to remind you that your family (whether blood or chosen) are with you no matter what. Even when you feel like your life is crumbling around you (I'm feeling that too), there is still a light. There is still a candle lit in that window of despair that keeps trying to force in the cold.

You are more than your insecurities and fears. You're worthy and enough,

Celebrate yourself and all that you are. <3